


But Never a Key

by Cryptic_Hobo



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Eventual Clarke Griffin/Lexa, F/F, F/M, POV Second Person
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:33:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25079947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cryptic_Hobo/pseuds/Cryptic_Hobo
Summary: You hate premed and you wonder how you ever let your mother talk you into it. Then you remember all those times you sat in on surgeries or dissected something or actually got to do anything adjacent to real doctor work and you remember that you talked yourself into it. You like to help people. It makes you feel something. You haven’t helped someone in a long time. You twist you father’s watch on your wrist and wonder if he’d be proud of you.
Relationships: Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	But Never a Key

**Author's Note:**

> No clexa in this chapter, basically all exposition. Don't let the fist sentence fool you though, it is clexa focused. Next chapter will be from Lexa's pov.
> 
> Title taken from the [Dirt Poor Robins song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gJRAzqK7yg). Please give it a listen if you have time. They are very good and they don't get enough credit.

You meet him at your first college party. He’s arm wrestling a bodybuilder named Thundercrack Wilson. There’s a woman yelling at him who you later learn is his sister and there’s a dog barking furiously and somewhere in the background there’s you betting money against him. You get 5 bucks that day. You also get a best friend. You learn his name is Bellemy and his sister’s name is Octavia. You learn he’s kind of a jackass but he’s also fiercely loyal and immensely loving. You learn his sister is basically the same, although maybe less jackass and more badass. You have a crush on her for a while. She’s beautiful. She’s straight. You wonder if maybe you should feel sad about that, but you don’t really feel anything. You get over it in a month. 

You meet their friends at another party. 3 boys, Monty, Jasper, and Finn. Finn flirts with you and you fight it for a while but he’s charming in that frat boy kind of way so when he gets you drunk you flirt back. You know you like girls but you had your fair share of crushes on boys and you look at him and he’s everything you know you should want, kind, funny, loyal, floppy hair and a boyish smile. He calls you princess and you hate it but you’re also young and you haven’t had sex in a month, and he wants you, so you don’t say anything. He asks you if you want to go to his room and you say yes. The next morning you learn you were wrong about that loyal bit.

There’s a woman yelling at him. He’s trying to calm her down but it’s only making her more angry. He calls her Raven; she calls him her boyfriend. It looks like they’ve been yelling for a while and you wonder how it took you this long to wake up. You wonder if maybe your mother was right, and you should go to that sleep specialist because really you cannot afford to sleep through another exam. It occurs to you this is not the best time to be wondering these things. You slip out of bed and they’re still yelling; you put on your clothes and they’re still yelling; you slip out the back and as far as you can tell they were still yelling when you left. You wonder if maybe you should feel sad about that, but you don’t really feel anything.

You hate premed and you wonder how you ever let your mother talk you into it. Then you remember all those times you sat in on surgeries or dissected something or actually got to do anything adjacent to real doctor work and you remember that you talked yourself into it. You like to help people. It makes you feel something. You haven’t helped someone in a long time. You twist you father’s watch on your wrist and wonder if he’d be proud of you.

You tell Bellemy about what happened with Finn and Raven and he tells you he’s not surprised, that Finn does this all the time and he probably should have warned you. You ask him why he’s never told Raven and he says that she already knew. That she loved him too much to leave him no matter what he does. You wonder how someone could stay with a person like that. You wonder if you would stay with a person like that. You know the answer. Your own cowardice makes you sick and you almost cry because you were starting to fear you weren’t capable of feeling anything.

You and Bellemy get dunk after exams and egg the frat house where Finn lives. You almost get caught and you run what feels like miles to get away from the rent-a-cop your university hired. It was really three blocks. You laugh until your lungs hurt, chain smoke, and make jokes until the sun comes up. You feel happy adjacent and you almost cry again

Raven knocks on your door about a month after you slept with Finn. You think she going to slap you. You wouldn’t blame her. She thanks you. Says you were the last straw and she might not have broken up with him if it wasn’t for you. She can’t look you in the eye. Your not sure how to answer that so you, being you, say that is was really no problem and make some stupid joke about cowboys that you honestly would not repeat if your life depended on it and she finally looks you in the eyes. She has some kind of storm behind her eyes, and you could swear it was the most determined you’d ever seen someone. This time you are certain she is going to slap you. She pushes you against your bed and kisses you hard.

The sex was good but also very confusing and Raven is not helping. About 20 minutes ago she was staring at you while you went down on her and now she’s gone back to not looking you in the eye. She’s still in your bed though so you assume that’s a good sign and elect to make another terrible joke. This one doesn’t land quite as well, but she does look at you. She sighs and apologizes, says at least her and Finn are even now, well more even then they were. You ask her if she’s going back to him. She says she’s not but you’re not she if you believe her and by the wobble in her voice you don’t think she’s sure if she believes herself. She apologizes again but specifies that’s it’s for using you and you tell her it’s the least you could do. She puts on her clothes and leaves. You wonder if maybe you should feel sad about that, but you don’t really feel anything.

You like to paint almost as much as you like helping people. It’s a type of preservation. For locations, and people, and things, but for emotions too. When you’re happy you can paint something happy and have it forever. When you’re sad you can paint something sad. You haven’t painted in long time. You look up at the stars and try to feel something. You paint but it looks like nothing and you still don’t feel anything and you think you might vomit.


End file.
